


Missing

by spockandawe



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Introspection, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 11:34:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spockandawe/pseuds/spockandawe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Azula sometimes wonders whether something is wrong with her</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing

I am completely satisfied with what I am. I was born in the ideal position with all the abilities to make the most of it. Bending came as easily as breathing, I excelled at fighting, and I was a natural commander. My father clearly favored me over my brother, and once Zuko was a fool and got himself exiled, my path ahead was clear. The loss of a mother who never cared for me made no difference. It would have been too arrogant to say it out loud, but I was as close to perfection as anyone I'd ever seen.

Insecurities were something new, and they made me uneasy. It gnawed at me that someone like Ty Lee could succeed where I had failed, and it was such a silly thing. Flirting. It couldn't really be that difficult, could it? It came so naturally to Ty Lee, and even Mai could manage if she felt like it. Of course, I'd spent my time on more important things. Things befitting my position in life. It shouldn't have mattered that no boy would look at me when my friends were around because I was the one who had learned the art of leading a nation, fighting a war.

I was absolutely certain that I'd be able to flirt better than either of them, which just made what happened with Chan even more mortifying. It clearly didn't need intelligence or passion, and Ty Lee told me herself that it didn't need sincerity. What was left but to let him see for himself what a matchless woman I was? It had started so well, but it didn't go anything like I had planned. "You could puncture the hull of an empire class fire nation battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea..." That memory still made me clench my fist until my nails bit into my palm. If he had seen me lead, seen me fight-- If he had known who I was he never would have dared treat me so, but that had been his honest reaction. Humiliating.

There's nobody that I can ask to give me advice. My subjects treat me with respect, but fear, as is proper. Mai and Ty Lee are afraid of me too, but that's how I want it. If they didn't fear me, they wouldn't revere me as they should. Enduring these moments of uncertainty is better than showing weakness before them. That evening on the beach was a lapse and I can't afford to make a mistake like that again. Everyone has always feared me. So some nights I lay awake and stare at the ceiling, wishing I could ask my mother what I am missing.


End file.
